I'm not just talking to men when I say this, and I couldn't care less who you are or where you come from—you need women. Even with our flaws and faults, our toxic ways and individual struggles, women are still far more of an asset than many of us are willing to acknowledge. So, I'll acknowledge it for the ones who are warring with their pride on this one (see my previous post for that one): women are necessary, PERIODT.
It shouldn't take Women's History Month for us to back the women in our lives. We shouldn't need International Women's Day to remind us that women are valuable and brilliant and far more than the things this world has put us through. Appreciating women should be a daily, selfless act that we should all do better at fulfilling. And what does it mean to "appreciate" women, anyway? That word can be so vague, and obscure how we approach the matter at large. Usually, when we appreciate something, we hold that thing or act or person in high regard. We put it on a pedestal or proclaim its greatness, or even simply acknowledge its growing value. So, when we talk about appreciating women, it generally mirrors this concept. We talk about how we appreciate the things women have done, undergone, and maintained as our way of measuring their value. But here's the thing: whether we realize it or not, when we do this, we are in essence saying that women are valuable because they, according to us, have earned it. Through pain, suffering and service, women have proven their worth.
Look. Not to knock people who approach appreciation this way, but I've come to believe the ways we go about appreciating women aren't substantial enough. In other words, this ain't it, and we need to do better.
Appreciation is more than just acknowledging someone's greatness—it's celebrating their existence and doing all you can to protect said existence. Don't get me wrong. It's great that we've been propping women up this month for the amazing things women have accomplished, but when March ends and April begins, what will we be doing to appreciate women, then? Globally, women have endured so much to just be seen as equal and capable and human, so why use this same metric when calling attention to their value? Women aren't valuable because of our hardships or the things we give, or even for the work we do. Women are valuable simply because we exist. We are a part of humanity that is necessary, not just because we give and nurture life, but because we are a part of life itself. God literally created us to be the solution—trailblazers, leaders, wielders of power and might—but being the solution isn't what gives us our value. Simply existing as creations of God gives us value.
Even when we look at this through a lens other than religion, women exist as beings who walk the earth in spite of our trials, our adversities, and ourselves. We weather storms and take shelter among each other, providing and receiving comfort and encouragement along the way. We win and we lose and we push on no matter what lies ahead. Our value lies in existing—through good and bad—and maintaining that we deserve far more than this world is willing to give.
So, because our value lies in our existence rather than our achievements or sacrifices, the way we appreciate women should follow suit—which is to say the best way to show your appreciation for/to women is by doing all you can to protect, affirm, and legitimize our existence. This requires more than simply stating you "appreciate" women; it requires action on your part to do anything you can (big or small) to embolden the existence of the women around you, (here's the kicker), even the ones you don't agree with, aren't attracted to, or the ones from which you have nothing to gain. Oh yea; you gotta be all in.
Appreciation is a verb. You appreciate women? You value women? Then listen to women. Give women the space to speak and act freely when you see your peers denying them of these things. Check your internalized misogyny at the door (and yes, women can be misogynistic too, so you're not exempt either, sis). You don't have to be superman or superwoman to show that you're for women. You can check your friends when they mistreat or talk down to/about women. You can make sure your girls are safe when y'all go out and make sure y'all leave the party/club together. You can be a good friend to a woman in your life when she needs you. You can look inward, be honest, and search for ways you can be better. Because we can always be better. Sticking up for women is more than not being aggressive or abusive or rude. It's also about the little things we don't often acknowledge. Don't do these things because you see women as someone's mother, daughter, sister, etc.; do it because women are people who have a right to exist as themselves, outside of their duties and circumstances, away from harm and opposition. It costs you nothing to show women love. Show love actively by doing, instead of passively sitting on the sidelines. As human beings who exist on this living planet, women deserve at least that much from you, and then some.
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