Let's be clear: everyone has an ego, and there's nothing wrong with that. Our egos keep our heads up, embolden us with the audacity to pursue the desires of our hearts, remind us that we're worth a damn. There's nothing wrong with feeding our egos to gain confidence in ourselves and our abilities; we should believe in ourselves more than anyone else does. That's what pride is for; it's the fire that fuels our spirit.
However, just like anything else, pride can get the better of us. Just like fire, if not controlled, pride can quickly turn from a fuel source to a destroyer. It's the difference between a campfire and a forrest fire—unchecked pride ruins everything we've worked so hard to build, and disrupts the path we've diligently trod to become the people we know we can be. Most importantly, it reduces our peace to ashes, making it impossible to truly be pleased with ourselves or content with our beings.
There's a reason it's one of the seven deadly sins.
You may or may not know how pride manifests itself in your own life (yet). You might know, but are too ashamed or too prideful to admit these things to yourself or others. But, I'm not. Here's what pride looks like in my life...
It looks like me needing to have the last word, or needing to be right. It looks like me clapping back on Twitter or Facebook over silly subject matter. It looks like me comparing my beauty, likability, and success with that of others. It looks like me not asking for help in moments when I need it most. Most importantly, it looks like me not being honest with myself about my shortcomings, flaws, and toxic tendencies.
How could I possibly have peace within myself when the above continue to drive my actions? Even when I do these things without realizing, pride slowly grows from contained to out of control—from striving to be my best, to silently judging people according to my best, or even subconsciously thinking I'm better than others based on believing my best is the only "best" there is.
As I grow wiser, I've come to realize that my pride really shouldn't be that big of a deal to me. With every day, I understand more and more that my pride is not worth my peace—that a fire that runs wild will destroy all of the beauty around me, all that I've nurtured and worked so hard to grow. Having a back-and-forth online isn't worth being flustered and anxious for the next couple of days to come, even if the other person did start it, or even if I was in the right. And, to that point, being "right" all the time isn't worth the frustration or energy spent trying to convince people, even if I actually am right. Asking for help at my job or in my personal relationships isn't worth the panic of trying and failing to make it work, especially when it comes to matters regarding my health and wellness. What's more, refusing to address my negative behavior will only produce more negative behavior, causing more harm done to myself or others.
Some things just aren't worth it, y'all. Walking away or having restraint or even reaching out doesn't mean that I have to feel like I lose anything. It doesn't make me weak or scared or unsure. Instead, it makes me selective of what I choose to give my energy to, and makes me aware of which things in my life deserve to be fed. A fire that burns bright and strong doesn't need more fuel, and deciding not to throw gasoline on it won't cause it to burn out, either. A fire, my fire, burns strong and even, and is enough to keep my spirit warm—enough to let me enjoy its flame in peace while I build on the things that bring me peace. My pride works for me, not against me or others. It's not a struggle, but a balanced state of feeling content and at ease. Because I come first, my pride comes second, leaving me room to be at peace with my spirit, my being, my nature; all of the above.
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