Let's be real: most of us fail our New Year's Resolutions before the new year even has time to breathe. I clearly have no room to judge. We're officially one week into the new year and I've already scarfed down an unnecessary amount of waffles and pizza (all gluten-free, but still all unhealthy). I'm supposed to be eating healthy (or at least healthier)! But it's cool. I've got a plan. I know if I go about this the right way, I'll achieve my goals and surpass what I think I'm capable of. And, I truly feel if you follow these steps below, you can set yourself up for success and stay focused in 2020 as well:
1. Make Intentions Instead of Resolutions
I grew up writing resolutions every New Year's Day. My dad would sit us down at the table and make us write our resolutions, along with three things we planned to do to achieve each resolution (and sub-resolution for each of these). Needless to see, New Year's Day, though about celebration, was also about intimidation for me. Though practical and realistic, my goals always seemed too big to handle. After all, how was I supposed to complete any of my resolutions by the end of the year when I could barely fathom pouring in all of that work into each goal I set? I secretly grew to dread setting resolutions because of the way this process intimidated me.
So, I changed the way I approached this process. Now, I set intentions instead of resolutions.
What's the difference? While resolutions are more final and have the potential to be more rigid, intentions are a long-term, ongoing process that tends to be more flexible, and involves continuous improvement. So, instead of making the fixed resolution to have an ass as big as Megan Thee Stallion's by the end of the year, I'm setting the long-term intention of participating in regular exercise. This way, I accomplish more than just a better figure; I keep my overall fitness in order.
2. Write Your Intentions Down
Psychology, the Bible, and behavioral studies all say that writing your goals down helps solidify their level of importance to you and increases your chances of productivity. But you knew this already. I mean, you know better than to run to Target without a grocery list, right? Why? Because otherwise, you'll leave with half the store in your cart; your mind will roam and you'll focus on everything except for the things you originally came to get.
You can pretend I'm the only one who falls for this trap, but then you'd be lying to yourself.
Write them down! Type them out! Put these intentions someplace where you'll either consistently revisit them or see them. Focus on the things you've written down and figure out what you need to do to make them happen. Otherwise, life will seem like some massive super-Target filled with neverending distractions.
3. Accept That You'll Take Some L's
It happens to the best of us. Hell, you may be the best of us—a right-brainer with perfectionist tendencies and a need to overachieve all of your expectations. And you very well may be overachieving at life as we speak. But I'm being honest today. And today, I gotta tell you: perfection is fleeting.
You're gonna miss the mark eventually. You're a human being, literally designed to be flawed and imperfect in spite of our capabilities. And that's okay!
My folks always tell me, "you just keep on livin'". It's more of a notice than it is a warning. It simply means, "life happens". It happens to the overachievers and to the laziest among us. Eventually, while on the journey to achieve your goals and contribute to your intentions, life will decide to rain on your parade. And it's really gonna suck. But nothing grows without rain. Sunlight is great, but the storm is what challenges you, gives you the ability to come out stronger. If you take your L's and accept them for what they are—a part of life—your L's are no longer Losses; they're Lessons (see literally the rest of my blog for examples of this). Use your Lessons to push your forward.
4. Cut Yourself Some Slack
You're trying, dammit! You may have your lazy days and sometimes you cop an attitude, but you still show up to work, show up for your kids, show up for your friends. You still do what you gotta do. So, of course, someone who's fighting off life while juggling a lot is gonna fumble the bag every now and again. You're a human, and you can't help that, so you might as well show yourself some compassion for at least trying to be better.
Yes, it's a new year and a new decade, but that doesn't mean the pressure should be on to be this entirely new person. All of the best things take time and patience to achieve, and that includes you and your position in life. You'll get there. We'll get there.
Look, you don't have to follow these steps if you don't want to. If you've found a better way to go about achieving your goals, have at it. But, I think this is a pretty good place to start. The hardest part for me—surely—will be taking my own advice. I'm up for the challenge, though. You can't tell me this ain't my year. We're only one week in, after all.
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