The internet will get you caught up real quick, and you know I ain't lyin. Let's be real: most of us can't even help but to get hungry when we see pictures of delicious food on the internet. And that's just one photo. So with this truth, how could any of us help but to subconsciously invest ourselves in the lives of people we have access to online in any capacity? It's become way too easy to see into the lifestyles of strangers on social media without comparing ourselves, or imagining ourselves in their position, especially if these people have something we want. We use social media to connect, and sometimes these connections are created out of our fascination or longing for something better than what we already have.
And I mean, how could we not? It's hard not to question our own paths when we're constantly bombarded with quick-info about the journeys of our peers. We see that one guy from high school studying abroad or that girl from undergrad having the wedding of a lifetime. We see people traveling and creating and leveling up in their careers. We see it every day, all at once. It's damn near impossible to look at these things and not think, even for one small second, "Damn, I want that for me, too."
And then, before I know it, I'm asking myself, "What am I doing wrong?" "Why can't I level up?" "Am I even capable of achieving that kind of success ever?"
Suddenly, my situation has changed from an innocent scroll down my timeline to subconsciously beating myself up for not having the life other people have. It went from curiosity to comparing real quick.
Look, we're human beings. We're gonna get down on ourselves or compare or at least question why things are the way they are. We'd do it all day if we had the time (that is, if we aren't already doing it), because that's just how good we are at focusing on everything but our own business. Because it's human nature to get distracted with the world around us. All this means we have to be intentional with how we approach these matters and what we allow in our space.
I know that my journey is my own. I know I'm doing my absolute best with the cards I've been dealt. I know that things aren't always as people make them out to be. And yet, if I sit on Instagram or Twitter all day long and expose myself to everyone's business (the business they want me to know or want me to believe), I'll find myself triggering my own anxieties as I'm left to sit with the fact that I have no idea what the future holds for me (or how to get there). Even with this, I'm still certain that I can only live my life to the best of my ability, and must allow people the space to do the same for themselves; it's just harder that it looks, sometimes.
I also know that if I'm gonna get anywhere, I better get to figuring things out. Immediately. I better get to know myself more, discover the 'why' behind the things I do, take time out to be honest with myself so I can build up the things I lack.
For me, getting to know myself better involves writing, meditation, therapy. For others, it might look like taking a long walk, listening to music, having meaningful conversations with friends. Either way, getting to know ourselves better gets us one step closer to figuring out how to navigate our own lives—when, where, and how to move.
As stated above, it's not a walk in the park. I struggle with this every day. Hell, part of the reason I decided to write about this was to help convince myself that it's not only doable, but it's also worth the doing. If I have to say it to myself in the mirror multiple times a day, I will: this is my journey to make and mine alone.
Everyone moves at their own pace. It's like college (almost exactly just like it, actually). We enroll in different classes, sign up for different majors, join different organizations. Some of us graduate on time while others graduate late. A number of us drop out and come back, have a baby during the school year, switch majors several times, undergo harrowing tragedies. But, even with all of our differences in circumstance, ability, and drive, one thing remains: we all want to graduate.
We all want to, yet some seem to achieve and excel in ways we have yet to experience. We've all known the feeling: coworkers and colleagues boast of their new houses and cars, friends are getting married and/or having kids, some folks we know seem to pick up and fly anywhere they want, whenever they want. The opportunity of a lifetime goes to everyone, it seems—except for you.
And you've been busting your ass! You've worked as hard as—if not harder than—the vast majority of your peers. You do your best to be a good person and to do the right thing. You're working hard to make your dreams come true, but you have yet to reap the fruits of your labor. It's beyond frustrating, and if you're like me, it's anxiety-inducing and just straight-up depressing.
But, while we're busy getting mad at life for not being fair to us, we forget that just because there's no fruit doesn't mean there's no growth. It doesn't mean we haven't worked hard or aren't doing the right things; it means the fruits of our labor have yet to breach the surface. Sometimes all we can see are the small stems and leaves that poke up from the earth, and instead of imagining how big the carrot is growing in the ground, we become discouraged because we aren't able to see the outcome of the seeds we've sewn.
That doesn't mean the carrot isn't still growing. That doesn't mean we aren't on track to graduate.
I know I'm on the edge of my level-up. I can't see it, but I know it's coming. And because I know it's coming, it's gotten a lot easier to get on social media and scroll confidently, no matter what I see. It makes it easier to feel happy for everyone and their success knowing that mine is even closer than it was the day before. I know that the blessings that others receive don't take away from the blessings I have yet to enjoy; I wouldn't dare limit the amount of greatness we are capable of achieving.
Besides, I'll never be done leveling up. Until my dying breath, there will always be more to learn and discover and conquer and achieve, so why trip about how quickly I get to where I'm going? The diploma is mine anyway, so I might as well get what I can from this journey, no matter how long it may be. I'm still crossing that stage, still doing my dance, still leaving with everything I came for.
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