I finally went, and yes it was a movie! This trip was exciting, stressful, exhausting, profound, and lit. I was accompanying my best friend on her travels to London and Paris for her birthday. It wasn’t my first international trip, but it was my first trip overseas and I was nervous, to say the least. I was excited about the opportunity to explore both British and French cultures, but I was also anxious about experiencing a culture shock or having a medical emergency. I experienced both ends of the spectrum—both good and bad—and learned a few important lessons along the way:
1. I Can’t Fly Away From My Problems
I packed my bags and flew halfway around the world only to still struggle with anxiety. From the moment we landed in London, my excitement turned into extreme anxiety. Everything felt unfamiliar and I did not feel present. It honestly took a couple of days for me to feel comfortable with my new surroundings and to not feel on edge every time I walked outside. I quickly realized that even though I left Chicago to get away from life's many challenges, some of those challenges were big enough to follow me to Europe.
Throughout the duration of the trip, I struggled to keep my anxiety under control. But, I made a decision to actively fight off my overactive thoughts and enjoy the place, time, and moment I was in. My problems followed me, but I created enough distance between me and them to still enjoy the beauty and culture around me.
2. I'm Not Out Of Place; I'm Uniquely Placed
Some of my anxiety came from the sudden differences I experienced head-on, from driving on the left side of the road to different accents and jargon. What mainly made this anxiety-inducing was the thought of being seen as the “bad kind” of different in an environment that contrasts everything I have ever known (even though I speak the same language as the British and share a surprising number of similarities with Parisians). I was fearful of standing out in the wrong ways, being seen as “too American” or “not traditional enough”.
And again, I had to make a decision: if I was going to enjoy this trip at all, I had to change my mindset.
Yes, my clothes were more flashy and colorful than that of those around me. Yes, I looked American from a mile away. Yes, the things I’m used to were far different from my new surroundings. And I decided that was okay. I was okay; more than okay!
I was different and stood out, and that’s fine. Because that’s who I am. I was never meant to blend in—not here and not there. I started to feel okay with being different in Europe because I know I’m not just different, but unique; beautifully and wonderfully made. I finally started acting like it.
3. No Matter Where You Are, Ground Yourself
With so many differences throwing me off at once, it was easy for my anxiety to get the better of me. Above all, I felt disconnected from myself and my surroundings. I’ve learned over time that this feeling of disconnection overwhelms me most when I am not grounded in the world around me. For me, grounding looks like being present instead of drifting off, breathing deeply and fully instead of taking shallow breaths, stretching and moving in ways that benefit my body rather than overdoing it or remaining stagnant.
When my anxiety seemed too big to tackle, I ran to these methods of grounding. And above all, I reminded myself to exist in the present by living in the moment. Rather than worrying about what is to come, focusing on the now helped bring me out of many battles with my anxiety, and just because I’m back home doesn’t mean I’ll abandon these practices, either.
Existing in the moment, I believe, is what helped me through those rough moments the most, and also helped me enjoy the best moments even more. It’s because of this that I have far fewer photos from my London/Paris trip than I thought I would. I made it a point to put down my phone, breathe, and take in my surroundings, just as I took in air. And it was then, when I surrendered to the moment, that these new worlds began to take my breath away.
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