I haven't always been so bright-eyed and full of life, ya know. I, like many of others, have had countless seasons where I felt defeated, doubtful, or just flat-out dead. Dead as in, 'I'm never leaving my apartment again, I'm over life and everything about it, I'm in so much pain and I see no way out, etc." It happens to the best of us.
I myself am just now coming out of a long season where death plagued my spirit. This season has taken up three years of my life—the most trying years for me thus far. From my battles with chronic pain and chronic diseases, to my struggles with balancing my graduate studies and my career, life has kicked my ass all the way down the street and around the block. When your body and mind are warring with the circumstances of the present, your spirit follows. Your spirit becomes weighed down by the perils that have spearheaded their way into your life, and before you know it, all of your energy is put into strictly surviving instead of being the unique person you are. And not long to follow, these parts of you begin to slowly die or enter a dormant phase because you simply don't have the energy to be yourself anymore.
From there, death and stagnation set it, and before long, your dimming light becomes noticeable. This death spills over unto work, relationships, and the overall outlook on life, and if you're not careful, your life can be negatively affected by the smelly corpses of the dead things we carry.
But it's a new day, and (if you so decide) a new season.
Figuratively and literally speaking, we are entering a new season where death gives way to life and the things that were once gone slowly begin to make their way back into our lives. Just as the seasons adhere to the will of Mother Nature, my seasons, though not determined by me, can be swayed by me. Put plainly, I can't always control the temperament of my seasons, but the one thing I can control is how I choose to weather the storms.
I've grown tired of my spirit and life and existence dragging behind me like dead weight. I've done enough moping around to realize that—to be real—life only gets harder, if not worse, so if I'm to make it out of this thing even remotely in tact, I knew I needed to change my mindset. So, I made a big decision:
I began to call everything that was dead by name and spoke life into its existence.
I know that sounds like some spiritual, hippie type stuff, but it's not about how it sounds: it's about what it does.
What I did was spoke into existence all that which I'd lost—my peace of mind, confidence, sense of purpose, determination, and on, and on. Though the downfalls of life rendered these thing dead, I am hell-bent on using the power of my spirit and the conviction of my voice to make these things so, once again.
Lately, I've spent my mornings facing myself in the mirror. This is an old trick my mom taught me when I was coming up. When I'd get bullied at school or didn't feel good about myself, she'd stand me in front of my mirror and instructed me to repeat positive affirmations to myself. She'd make me say things like, "I am smart, I am beautiful, I am talented, I am God's."
So now, just about every morning, either before or during my make-up routine, I speak life out of my mouth and into my body. I say, "You're gonna have a great day. You are healed. You are deserving. You are enough. You are favored. Now act like it, girl." And believe it or not, speaking life into the things that lay dormant made all the difference. Things began to change for the better, and you know why? Because I, (yes, EYE) began to change for the better.
When I speak life, I speak it over everything. Not just my circumstances, not just the things that have wilted and died, but also over myself as well. Speaking life is a self-call to action. It's a constant repetition of the things I desire. What I found over time is that saying these things aloud to myself in the mirror slowly convinced me that these things were, in fact, true. I began to believe I was going to have a great day, no mater how I woke up feeling. I began to act like my body was healed before I could physically feel the healing. I began to believe I was deserving of better from my job and relationships, and have begun to act accordingly. I've started walking down the street like I know where I'm going, like I've got some place to be, like I have purpose.
I began to speak life, and my actions began to follow.
There are parts of me that still need work. There are things that still lie dead or sleeping or rotting. But just as Spring brings new life to the globe, I intent to breathe new life into this body, renew my spirit with my words, make way for growth with my affirmations.
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