No, it's not because I'm a Gemini or a Millennial or a woman or whatever-the-hell. I'm just a really complicated person with a lot going on. We all are. This whole life thing gets really hard, and we manage the best we can. And because life is unpredictable, so are our feelings.
This past week was a perfect example of my feelings running ramped. From being sick, to juggling personal matters, I'm always being pulled in so many different directions. It's caused me stress, pain, anxiety, depression—the whole nine. And yet, in the midst of all this chaos, three of my favorite R&B artists magically dropped new music this week (Ari Lennox, Tink, and Jhené Aiko). So while I was in pain, I still found myself nodding to the beat of each track. I was depressed, but still found sang in the shower. Though I was anxious, I still felt a sense of peace. I didn't quite feel hopeful, but not sombre. I was just calm. It's hard to explain what I felt—how I could feel super down yet find the energy to dance around my apartment to my new favorite songs. Like I said, I'm complicated, because I'm a human being.
I guess that's why I don't get why everyone came for Ayesha Curry the way they did.
Most of you know by now. Ayesha Curry was a guest on the Red Table Talk hosted by Jada Pickett-Smith, her mother Adrienne, and her daughter Willow. In a nutshell, Ayesha confided with the women at the table and told them that sometimes, her insecurities get the best of her. Watching women throw themselves at her husband wears down on her from time to time, and according to Ayesha, sometimes she'd like to receive that kind of attention. She made sure to clarified—it's not that she wants men to push up on her all the time like that; she just wants to know that she's still got it. The women at the table agreed and affirmed Ayesha's feelings, reassuring her that she's beautiful (she's seriously so gorgeous) and that sometime the actions of others don't necessarily reflect our reality. It was a good discussion and I suggest y'all take a look here when you get the chance.
I was naïve to think that this convo would live and die at the Red Table Talk. I don't know why I didn't predict what would come next.
People are awful sometimes, so the internet did what it does best: slandered the hell out of Ayesha. The way some folks were coming at her, you would've thought she'd talked badly about somebody's mama at that table rather than speaking from her own person experience. People came out of left field just to chastise this woman for the way she felt about herself. Add in some casual misogyny, straw man arguments, and false equivalencies, and you've got yourself a shit-show big enough to last a week (and it sure as hell did). Ayesha got called every name in the book and became a running joke on social media with the help of memes, GIFs, and non-stop clownery.
And look, I'll admit it: though some folks were clearly out of pocket with their commentary that no one asked for, others raised some valid points. Some even recalled the last time Ayesha went viral over something controversial, and dare I say, problematic. A few years back, Ayesha made some comments about clothing: covering up vs. letting it hang out. And, whether taken out of context or not, some folks found her tone to be demeaning and borderline slut-shaming. People were split down the middle regarding the minor scandal, and it seemingly died down in about a week.
Fast forward to present day, many are resurrecting this instance from the past to belittle Ayesha:
"Before you wanted to be wholesome, and now you wanna be treated like a hoe?"
"How ungrateful of you to say that you want more attention when you've got a good man at home."
"You're a hypocrite, two-faced, stuck-up, etc."
It's amazing the things people will say behind the safety and anonymity of a screen.
After watching this whole thing crash and burn, here's what I believe we'd all do well to remember: we're human beings, for God's sake.
People are ever-changing, complex, multi-dimensional beings. We do well and screw up and we're just trying to figure things out. I just really wish people would remember this in time to have empathy first, before passing judgement. After a while, watching people treat each other like crap isn't just discouraging—it's annoying. So, I'm gonna need y'all to cut it out. Today, dammit.
Ayesha Curry is a person, just like me. Just how I was able to wade through this week's bull crap while dancing around my apartment, Ayesha is capable of feeling two different things at the same time as well. Her testimony is common. After over a decade of being with the same man, and three kids later, it's completely understandable why someone in her position would second-guess herself, regardless of the feelings she's expressed before (do you know how much a person's mindset can change in a matter of a few years? Sooo much can happen between now and then).
It's really not that hard to have empathy, but people make it sound like it's damn near impossible, especially when the internet is involved. No, I've never been Ayesha Curry a day in my life, but I can see how someone can easily not feel like themselves once partnership and motherhood are pushed to the forefront. It's possible to want to be "all for your man" while also knowing you can still turn heads. It's common sense, but as we know, that's scarce to find nowadays.
Humans have ventured to the moon and beyond, cured countless diseases, created works of art that are nothing less of genius—yet we can't feel more than one emotion at once? We can't be that kind of complicated? Yea, right. Show me a human being who isn't wrestling with the human condition, and I'll show you a hit dog that won't holler.
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